Head of the Woman



But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.  1Co 11:3.

This is the second time I have used this title for a paper (click to also see, HSMS-111C3O). Even though I have used the same title, the content of these articles is different.

The video below is a text to speech transcription of this article for the visually impaired.


I am not perfect, but I want to be – in Christ.  That desire has led me to pursue God in hope of finding Him, the truth, and more; to also find those who follow the faith the Bible witnesses to so that others might be saved.  Sadly, I have yet to meet a real man of God, that is, one approved of God. 

Sometimes in my journeys, an expectation that others want to die to the flesh and the world and seek after this faith through the Spirit will present itself.  Some say they will, and when I find out that they are not sincere, I lose heart, get discouraged, regress into the flesh, and occasionally even sin.  I beat myself up over it for a while and repent and do my best to walk again in what I know to be the truth, but it always takes time to get over the disappointment I find in deception and false religion.

The following is a true account of one such journey.  I have had time to mull over what I encountered and feel I need to testify.  My account is not personal or in retaliation, I really care for and love everyone involved, but unless they see the truth they cannot be helped.  They may not accept the truth, but at least my conscience will be clear for having given them the opportunity to repent.

I recently spent some time with a father who promised me Christian community where seeking God would be first if I joined.  However, I ended up being more of a hired hand, toiling endlessly for 12 hours a day in their family business.  In his defense he did say I didn’t have to work like the others, but my conscience could not watch the rigor forced on the rest of the family by him; plus, I wanted to earn my keep.

While the father does not work that hard himself, he is an inconsiderate taskmaster who forces two of his daughters to labor with virtually no free time of their own.  Eventually my body, and my mind, needed rest and I indicated that I was taking a day off for recovery, spiritual edification, and grocery shopping.  No one was forcing me to work, I just felt so bad for his daughters and was trying to endure the same hardships they did.  While I was there, these girls were only allowed one day off from most labor and that was the Jewish Day of Atonement, which they observe for superstitious reasons.

God was not first, the father and his business were.  The most virtuous thing I witnessed was blessings at meals, in fact, that was the deepest community effort put forth in seeking God other than wresting over scripture.  Although the father did not spend much time in the physical grind, he loved to eat (Tit 1:12-14), and he seemed to spend a lot of time at home studying the Bible or surfing the web, I guess. 

The knowledge the father gleans puffs him up, and he uses scripture in order to impress or strive with others and control his family for his own benefit.  Someone with a religious spirit is easy to spot with discernment, the difficult thing is witnessing to them of the Spirit because their immaturity, or hypocrisy, regulates what others can share of the deeper things.

This father has a rather large family; him, his wife, and ten children all of which are adults.  Now eight of the siblings left home because they woke to the control and servitude that was being forced on them.  Two of the daughters are still there and they are both in their 30’s and they are both treated like they are 12 by their parents.

They are not allowed to date unless their parents pre-approve the person; and by the way, no one has ever passed the test.  They are not allowed to use the internet their parents use all day while the daughters toiled after their parents decide to go to bed, and they are forced to labor from sun up to as much as two hours after sunset mostly on their own on a farm for which the main source of income is the sale of livestock feed. 

Now one of the daughters is totally blind.  She knows that farm inside and out and works with machinery as part of their livelihood.  The blind daughter would amaze you with her ability to navigate that farm and do her work.  The other daughter is amazing too, she can outwork most men I know (to include me).  She runs tractors, chain saws, does her own maintenance on equipment, and can hunt, kill, skin, and butcher anything from ducks to deer.  I have only admired the faith of one woman in my life and that was my grandmother, and this girl reminded me of her.

The blind daughter is not just obviously handicapped, but in her mind she is handicapped by a great fear of leaving that farm because she has autonomy and an occupation there.  That place is all she knows for certain; she knows how to walk anywhere there, work anywhere there, and basically be productive there and that cannot be guaranteed in the world with her disability.  Her handicap prevents her from seriously considering leaving for fear of the unknown, although she (like her sister) despises the servitude and oppression there. 

In a way, the blind sister is another control, because the other sister would have probably left if not for the love and care she provides to the blind sister.  If the blind sister could see, she would have been gone before most of the others left due to her individualistic nature.  However, the blind sister’s dignity keeps the other in servitude not only there, but to herself and her own fears of leaving the only place where she is completely comfortable and independent with her disability.

Now their parents keep them in dread of damnation through many false doctrines, but I am going to discuss the primary one that is being misapplied in their case.  My opening passage deals with a hierarchy set up by God in the beginning dealing with marriage.  In the review passage it says that the man is the head of the woman.  This is witnessed from part of the marriage covenant established by God in Genesis:

Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.  Gen 3:16.

Now there are passages in the Bible where it says children obey your parents; but note: it says children.  Nowhere in the Bible does it exactly say when a child becomes an adult (man or woman collectively), but it does say we should always honour our parents.  

In our country we seem to think the age of 18 is an acceptable age for most things adult, and if you want to drink, we say 21.  However, honour is always relevant, but honour and obedience are two different things.  It shows honour to ask your parents for their advice, but nowhere is it required that you must obey them forever.  I am not going to bore you with a diatribe of what the difference is, but honour and obey (while similar) are two different things just like child and adult.

As far as who is an adult, there are many Bible passages you could use to prove this.  A woman should not marry until she passes the flower of her age (1Co 7:36), and if you do not know what that means, look it up.  This is relevant, because this is the only example I am going to use to prove who is an adult woman.

For instance, did your parents pick out someone they liked or who would serve their interests and make you fall in love with them as your spouse?  I know in biblical times people were betrothed, but we do not practice that in our culture.  Most people who fall in love and marry in this nation do so of their own accord; and while I do not know for sure, I would wager that these girls’ parents did that very thing.  I mean, who are you to tell me who or what I can love short God and my neighbor?  Yet, these sisters are not allowed to act on their love for others unless it is pre-approved by their father.

They live at his beckoning, if he is sitting and wants something, he orders someone to get up and go get it for him.  I have literally seen his wife serve a table full of people and sit down to eat and the father be halfway done with his meal and before she can take a bite, he will order her to go get him something. 

If there is greater good to be accomplished by one task, he will halt it to complete his selfish task.  And if the daughters have a view point that contradicts his, he will verbally berate them into tears with the threat of hell if they do not acknowledge and obey his word and authority, and he enjoys doing this.

As a result of his dominance and extreme paranoia, these girls are forced to fake contentment, which is the overriding rule used to keep them obedient (1Ti 6:6, Php 4:11).  Any time they question their circumstance, they are immediately accused of not being content, and therefore in violation of the rule.  They are then given an ultimatum stating if you don’t like it, leave, but if you leave you will be damned to hell.  Indeed, the stipulation also includes leaving with no means; well, maybe he might take them to a hotel, pay for a week and give them some groceries and leave them there for defying him; but, they will have to start from scratch even though their blood, sweat, and tears were the currency used to make the father prosperous.  I have been around control freaks before, but he takes the cake and the bakery.

Nothing they have is theirs even though they earned it.  Their room is subject to search, they do not own property, and phones or electronics (if any) are subject to appropriation and inspection.  If they ever have money, goods, or even food given to them from customers or others, it is almost certainly confiscated by their parents if they do not hide it.  Oh yeah, they do not get paid for their work either, the parents can’t have them generating counter measures to their heavy-handed dominance. 

These girls live in such fear and bondage that if they were minors, they would have a legitimate case for abuse and still may have a case for lawsuit.  In fact, one of their other sisters left using that very approach via Social Services; and you know what, her parents now show her more respect than the two that stayed.  It is because she no longer fears because she instilled fear in them, and she is free of their selfish dominion.

Now for sure everyone that does not see it the way the father mandates it is a heretic and going to hell.  I witnessed him calling his own children that left, even their new spouses and their children, names from bastards, to Jezebels, to effeminate; even their new friends and family were called by derogatory appellations from fagget to dyke, to pet names they just made up which reflect some trait or physical characteristic they did not like.  Of course, none of the children that left and formed new families are doing it right…by their father’s standard. 

The father is blind to the deception and hate he has in his heart because he has not been baptized with the Holy Ghost and therefore not walking in the Spirit.  He knows a lot about the Bible; that is to say, he knows of God, but he does not know God (Joh 5:39-42).  In fact, God is egotistically used by him in a way to control his own sovereignty over others through condemnation and judgment, well at least the ones that stayed. 

He is the HEAD of the house, king supreme and you are not allowed to dispute this or you are damned for eternity (as if it were up to him to decide who lives and who dies).  The two daughters that stayed also have a form of godliness, but they lack the Spirit of God and the power and liberty it brings (2Ti 3:5).  And because God worship for them is rule following, they live in a confused and conflicted state because after all, the flesh cannot keep the law.

The sisters are told that headship applies to them, that their father is their head or covering.  And even though in the flesh headship only deals with a husband and wife in the Bible, this is the interpretation they adhere to when it comes to our passage under review:

But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.  1Co 11:3.

However, I want you to consider another passage from the same book:

There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.  1Co 7:34.

There are obviously differences in types of women.  Are we to assume that every woman in the world is under the authority of men?  I mean to ask, does a woman not have access to God or Christ unless it is through a man?  If a woman’s husband dies, are we to assume that she is now under the authority of all other men because she no longer has a husband?  Like Anna, the prophetess, who served God night and day with prayers and fastings in the temple since her husband died (Luk 2:36-38), does Anna now fall under the authority of other men or should she be damned for not having a man as a head?

Now the “woman” in 1 Corinthians 11:3 cannot be every woman, and every widow, and every daughter because we know logically that is impossible.  It is impossible for there to always be a man over every woman as the head.  Consider 11:3 closely, it says, “the head of every man is Christ,” but it specifically says, “the head of the woman is the man.  Not every woman but “the” woman; also, every man is not the head of every woman, again it is “the” man.  Women who are not married, widows, abandoned, orphaned, and so forth fall under the race, i.e., man in this hierarchal system.  That is why the verse says, “every man.”  It is the same to say:

Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:  Rom 5:12.

The actual first sin in this world came through woman but here in Romans it is attributed to man.  The reason for this is because they were one flesh and he was the head.  Are we to believe that all women will be saved regardless because Romans 5:12 only says, “all men” have sinned?  No. 

The “every man” clause in 1 Corinthians 11:3 includes all men or mankind, and the widow’s or single woman’s covering is also Christ.  The third tear headship in 11:3 only applies to the man and the woman that is married.  Why because they are one flesh and God gave the man the rule in that relationship. 

Children must obey their parents, but when they become adults the father’s headship does not apply to them (it never did, it was his leadership when they were children that applied (Eph 6:4, Pro 22:6).  Carnal headship only applies to one flesh, the marriage of the man and the woman (see: 1Pe 3:1-6, Tit 2:5, 1Ti 2:11-12, Col 3:18, Eph 5:22-24, 1Co 14:34). 

That a man is the head of the family is an inferred meaning we deduce but you cannot find actual scripture that outright says the husband is the head of the family, just the head of the wife, and that children are to obey their parents.  In fact, Paul says elsewhere:

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.  1Ti 5:14.

Somewhere in this verse a young woman is considered an adult and is told to what, “bear children.”  My proof of adulthood for a woman was that a woman must pass the flower of her age, and that is required to bear children.  There is a case to be made that this father who has grounded his two daughters for life to selfish servitude for his desires is actually robbing God:

Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.  Psa 127:3.

Child bearing a rearing is God’s first commandment and greatest work a man and a woman can accomplish in this world.  These two daughters have already past the prime child bearing years, and that also goes against Paul’s wishes.  They are approaching their mid-30’s at which point the chances of birth defects rises greatly.  While there have been births into the mid-40’s by women, the rate is very low, like only 20% achieve conception from the mid-30’s and on.  Of course, child bearing stops between 45-50 for most women.  While I do not personally see anything wrong with women willingly becoming old maids for the Lord, if it is through deception and against their desires in God, what good is it?  The women of old we so admire in the Bible would pray, fast, weep, and beg God for children.  Children were considered a blessing.

I can only blame the father for the false doctrines, fear, and bondage he has forced on his last two daughters by being a poor leader and teaching his children that their salvation hinges on their continued servitude to him, instead of leading them to Christ.  I can also blame him in the flesh for profiting off their labor and not providing them a future thereby condemning them to indentured slavery.  I mean, in all honesty, the daughters do act like 12-year old girls.  The other siblings that left are not treated with the same belittlement as the last two (at least not to their faces) and you would think the last two would have recognized this by now.  However, the last two are under the assumption that even though the others live freer lives with more happiness, they are eventually going to hell for not remaining children and obeying their parents indefinitely, choosing rather to leave and become adults and carry out God’s design by multiplying.  Judge not that ye be not judged.

So, I am returning the judging.  I am not condemning anyone to hell, I am saying that without the indwelling of the Spirit of God you cannot see the truth; so repent.  It is not personal, but it is the truth, and I know the truth can drive a heretic to murder.  The truth is these girls became adults a long time ago and they only have themselves to blame for their miserable state.  If you are in bondage to the elements of the world (family, religion, manipulation, trepidation, job, money, property, inheritance, infirmity, whatever) and you fear losing that or you are allowing those things to be used as controls for enslavement instead of seeking the Gift of God, then you have your reward. 

There are many believers out there that would help them, including me; but as long as they cower in fear to the tyranny that is bearing down on them there is no freedom.  As long as you are willing to be oppressed you will be.  You have to mount the courage to throw off your shackles and yield to and receive the Holy Ghost and forget about those things of the world that are used to control you.  When you are filled with the Spirit, you do not need man.

But the anointing which ye have received of him abideth in you, and ye need not that any man teach you: but as the same anointing teacheth you of all things, and is truth, and is no lie, and even as it hath taught you, ye shall abide in him.  1Jn 2:27.

And conclusion:

And it shall come to pass in that day, that his burden shall be taken away from off thy shoulder, and his yoke from off thy neck, and the yoke shall be destroyed because of the anointing.  Isa 10:27.

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