The Year of Tears

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(Collective Soul - Tremble For My Beloved) 

2016-01 – 2016 Was a hard year.  After telling me of her affair in October 2015, Amy moved right in with the dirty stomp around, but she did not get a divorce until about May of 2016.  And while in God’s eyes it is still Adultery either way, she still has not followed the world's custom and wed her paramour.  Sin is selfish, and money always plays into it, which may be the reason they are still just living together (so Amy can collect from the State).  However, it is my personal belief that he will never marry her.  Even though he is an adulterer, he can repent and still lawfully marry someone else (if he has never been married before), but she cannot.  Additionally, there is an age difference, and Amy’s sins will show on her face more in the next seven years than his.  Tremble For My Beloved is my second all-time favorite song, and has nothing to do with Amy.  I started watching anime in 2014, but this year it became very emotional for me.  This year contains a 50 song requiem which I have called The Year of Tears.  Each song is a retro song, meaning that they are both favorite songs and newly discovered songs, from the past.  Each one of the song’s placement is important, for instance, this song is the overall top song.  I do not watch TV anymore, but during this year I was watching a lot of anime and making tribute music video mashups for a YouTube channel I used to have.  The Freezing anime was my favorite, she is my Beloved.  Why, because virtuous women can only be found in fantasy.  Resisting the temptation is the virtue…stupid.

(Jeff Williams ft. Casey Lee Williams & Lamar Hall - I May Fall)

2016-02 I May Fall is from the anime RWBY.  The reason I quit watching TV is because I was allowing the false emotions and views of the make believe to influence me.  In the world of fantasy, good and evil mostly have distinct lines.  The first 8 episodes of RWBY are probably the best episodes of any anime produced in America.  Because my life was so messed up, I was hiding in the world of make believe.  This song does not appear until Volume 3, where Velvet is battling.  The friendships between the characters are so heartwarming that to view our lives, and our disconnected approach to relationships, pales in comparison.  These things ought not to be, and they weren’t, until the invention of TV, and the creators of TV shows know how to draw out your emotions.  Now people only sacrifice for themselves, and you can only find selfless service in fantasy.  That is why people love TV so much, because they cannot find the principles their souls long for in real life anymore.  During this time, I was using anime to cope when I should have been using God.

(Aika Kobayashi - COLOR (Instrumental)

2016-03 COLOR (Instrumental) by Aika Kobayashi is from the Freezing anime.  This is my fifth all-time favorite song.  This anime represented something unreal that I wished was real, i.e., there was more real in the unreal.  I can identify with the main character’s struggles, and the series kept her innocent nature, which was hard given the ecchi quality of the show.  I looked past all that to see the world the original author in the manga was trying to portray.  Having an affiliation with the friendships that were developed displayed to me the importance of how something fake can show more truth than the real world.  Satellizer starts out isolated and belligerent, and ends up soft hearted and familiar to her new friends.  If only the real world possessed such qualities.  In our world, fidelity has more to do with the benefit we receive from a relationship than fidelity to the relationship itself.  The modern Christian is really the worst representative of God in our world, mainly because they feel forgiven to act like the world and contrary to God.  If Christians displayed the true love of God, they would soon through off the media world’s imitations of good.  However, they may be too far gone, almost demanding that the Lord soon return, because the fake has totally deluded them.

(The Delgados - The Light Before We Land) 

2016-04 The Light Before We Land is from the anime Gunslinger Girl.  I used it to make this video about my daughters.  My daughters have become worldly and foul mouthed, the result of being outside of God’s Kingdom and totally controlled by the world and its delusion.  The Holy Ghost speaks of people when I pray, He even speaks about Amy.  He knew Amy at one time, but now He says she is dirty, lies, is dying, and dies.  But of my daughters, He has never spoken, which tells me He does not know them.  God knows of everyone, but He says of those that do not serve Him, I tell you, I know you not whence ye are; depart from me, all ye workers of iniquity. Luke 13:27b.  We cannot bring those who sustain special relations to us into the truth of God by compromising God’s truth.  If you are a sinner who fails to repent, even if I love you in a special way, you will still perish if you do not know God and serve Him in truth.  Jesus said, Who is my mother? and who are my brethren? And he stretched forth his hand toward his disciples, and said, Behold my mother and my brethren! For whosoever shall do the will of my Father which is in heaven, the same is my brother, and sister, and mother.  Matthew 12:48b-50.

(Jeff Williams ft. Casey Lee Williams - Red Like Roses Part 1+2 Complete)

2016-05 Red Like Roses Parts 1&2 Complete is Another RWBY tune.  I really did like this anime, and thought it is one of the most heartfelt shows I had ever watched.  I cried many a tear to anime stories and their relations to my own life that has seen The Year of Tears flood the Tear Collector’s bottles with surplus.  When you are walking in the truth of God you are going to find the truth of verses like, And a man's foes shall be they of his own household. He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me.  Matthew 10:36-38.  I am certainly NOT recommending the use of the fake world of media to cope with life, but it happened to me, and is currently happening to most.  I learned from it, I learned that you can only overcome the world by doing it God’s way and forsaking the world and its god.  God and the world do not mix, and I found this out the hard way.  I will not compromise God again, even if it makes what’s left of other family members my foes like those who betrayed me already.  You cannot coddle the flesh; you are dead even if your head has not established this fact because of the veil of the world.  The only way you will live in everlasting is if you overcome the world through Christ.  The memory of the fake lingers, but now it only reminds me of the wrongs I accomplished in contradiction to the truth I should have embraced.  “And I heard another voice from heaven, saying, Come out of her, my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues. For her sins have reached unto heaven, and God hath remembered her iniquities.”  Revelation 18:4-5.

(Collective Soul - Forgiveness)

2016-06 Forgiveness means a lot to me for the shear fact that I have tried to understand it as I try to understand what my wife did as far as her adulterous affair.  What is forgiveness?  Do we just forgive when there is no repentance?  We do and we don’t, and I do not think that is being double minded, hard, or judgmental.  You can forgive, but it only becomes forgiveness if the person repents, for without repentance, there can be no forgiveness.  Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him. And if he trespass against thee seven times in a day, and seven times in a day turn again to thee, saying, I repent; thou shalt forgive him.” Luke 17:3-4.  The sins of ignorance committed by those murdering the Lord, and His followers after Him, received an intercessory forgiveness request, “And they stoned Stephen, calling upon God, and saying, Lord Jesus, receive my spirit.  And he kneeled down, and cried with a loud voice, Lord, lay not this sin to their charge. And when he had said this, he fell asleep.”  Acts 7:59-60.  This was Stephen’s last chance to forgive those committing a sin against him, specifically Saul (Paul).  However, when there is someone committing willful sin and they have been rebuked and refuse to repent, we know this sin may be unto death, “If any man see his brother sin a sin which is not unto death, he shall ask, and he shall give him life for them that sin not unto death.  There is a sin unto death: I do not say that he shall pray for it. All unrighteousness is sin: and there is a sin not unto death. We know that whosoever is born of God sinneth not; but he that is begotten of God keepeth himself, and that wicked one toucheth him not.”  1 John 5:16-18.  I forgive my enemies, but they have to repent; for without that, there can be no forgiveness, only remorse.  Sometimes you can destroy your own hope through self-righteousness.  So, it does not matter that the Lord or Stephen asked God to forgive those killing them, because it was conditioned on their repentance, and in Paul’s case, it was effectual.  I am sure in the Lord’s case He knew who it was effectual for as well, those of us who murdered Him and have since repented allowing forgiveness to issue forth.  You cannot have one without the other, though I forgive my wife’s adultery, it is conditioned on her repentance in order for it to become forgiveness, else, it is ineffectual being only half the equation.

2016-07 The video above is of my daughter Emily.  I did not get to keep hardly any of the family photos when my wife left me.  I was given a handful, but the ones in the video are what I took with a phone, old ones from my Facebook, or some that I had on my computer.  The gladdest time of this year was both the happiest and saddest time I have ever had in my whole life.  When Lori left me I was heartbroken and devastated, and I turned to God and He healed me.  Lori broke my heart even more than my wife, but still I turned to God on both occasions.  But the happiest, and at the same time the hardest thing that has ever broke my heart was when Emily came in September to live with me in Florida.  We watched all three seasons of RWBY together, and it meant a lot to me at the time even though it may seem silly.  I was joyous, and I tried my hardest to cook for her, to provide for her, to do whatever I could to take care of her.  I was the happiest I had been in a while given all that had happened to me from my wife’s wickedness.  However, after two nights and one day I went to church, and when I returned she had left to go back to Kansas and left me a note to that affect.  Up unto that point the greatest heartbreak I had ever felt was over Lori, I thought I would never feel something so painful again.  There have been many hurts in my life, but a distant second (tied with others) was when my wife left me, and it was not near as painful as Lori, because of my wife’s adultery and my faith in God.  But by far, the greatest heart wrenching, gut draining, tear gushing pain I have ever felt was the morning I went to church after Emily came to me in Florida, and after two nights and one day, she left.  When I came home and found all her stuff gone from where it had been in her bedroom and in the living room, I could no longer go into those rooms.  From where she napped on the couch to the new bed I had bought just for her, and my dining room where her stuff laid next to all the furniture I had bought because she told me she was coming, her stuff was no more…and I still have the note.  My heart has never been that broken, and I sinned in pity for myself.  That is the most heartbroken I have been in all my life, I wanted so much in myself to die.  Yes, I love you Emily, and your coming to me meant a lot, and your leaving broke my heart to the place that I could not recover readily without pleading to God for forgiveness.  Anyway, I cannot listen to the song Wings by Casey Lee Williams from the RWBY anime without bawling my eyes out.  (3rd Consecution).

(Jeff Williams ft. Casey Lee Williams - Mirror Mirror)

2016-08 The hardest thing about being alone is the loneliness that you feel at times.  After I was forced to quit my job, I spent 25 days straight seeking the Lord; I wanted to try and go for 40, but Emily was coming and I did not want to be fasting when she arrived.  Mirror Mirror has some deep lyrics associated with loneliness.  No one really cares anymore; we have certainly entered the time when everyone is self-centered and lacking in love.  I have almost stumbled being desperate for companionship a few times, but the Lord healed me on each occasion.  The people (I should say women), who were sympathetic to my plight, in the end did not want to be truly friends, but wanted a companion themselves in the flesh.  I have yet to meet a woman who did not have a selfish motive to the friendships they wanted to develop with me; and yes, there is a part of me that wanted that as well, but I knew in God I had to stay single.  They just cannot accept that I want to follow God’s word, and everyone else just became subject to the rumors instead of facts.  “When disapproval is all you’re shown, the safest place becomes alone.”

(Aika Kobayashi - COLOR (PianoVersion)

2016-09 There are three versions of this song in The Year of Tears.  I purchased a curio cabinet that was 4’ by 7’ high made of ¼” glass; it was hard to put together by myself.  I filled it with all the crap I did manage to keep and I made a phone video a few days after using COLOR (Piano Version) in the background.  It is a lot of stupid stuff, sentimental only to me, but I did not get to keep any memorabilia with the exception of some of my Army stuff.  You cannot see it in the video, but later there is this picture of a spoon in the curio.  When my wife moved in with her cheat she only left me this one spoon.  She only left a few forks also because they were the ones damaged by a dishwasher.  I cannot begin to tell you how many times I stared at that spoon and cried when she first left.  I do not know if I was crying because I had only one spoon, or because someone could be so heartless as to leave me only one spoon and a few damaged forks.  The picture only shows the handle just below MoJo JoJo.  Anyway, there are a lot of “nick” knacks, in there from Charlie Brown, to Rinthia’s dance trophies, a ukulele, Duke stuff, T-shirts, and many smaller things that can bring tears.  All of it is meaningless in an eternal existence, and the sorrow and hurt I feel from such trivial possessions prove they would be better off burned.  The curio was too heavy, fragile, and difficult for me to move by myself, so I abandoned it in Florida when I was forced to leave.  “Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.”  Mat 6:19-21.

(Angel Beats! - Ichiban no Takaramono)

2016-10 Angel Beats is a funny but sad anime.  There is only one season, but they really left nowhere to go, and it has such a sad ending that unless you are just professionally callous, you will cry your eyes out.  I cry just thinking about it, and my melancholy existence throughout this year was fed by such nonsensical amusements that I should not have been watching to begin with.  The reduced quality video above was a tribute to the originality of Angel Beats, and the way they masked the final moments of the meaning of its title.  There are a number of other Angel Beats’ songs in The Year of Tears, and Ichiban no Takaramono is just the first but probably the most emotional with the exception of My Song, which was focused on one character.  Anyway, it was a tearful event watching this show, and in this Year of Tears, tears were what I wanted.  For me, this year represents a lot of failures, trials, and misfortunes that I had to overcome in one way or another.  Through it all God only left Himself as the hope I could cling to.  It was not family, it was not friends, it was not companionship, it was not anime or TV, but in the end, I only had God to trust with my hurts. “And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another Comforter, that he may abide with you for ever; Even the Spirit of truth; whom the world cannot receive, because it seeth him not, neither knoweth him: but ye know him; for he dwelleth with you, and shall be in you. I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you.” John 14:16-18.

(Collective Soul - Blame)

2016-11 – Collective Soul is my favorite group because their lyrics have such deep meaning, and I relate to them.  Blame is an introspective of what happened to me and my marriage.  Yes, I was not perfect, and yes I let my flesh (instead of spirit) control my marriage, but what I wasn’t given was a chance to correct it.  I was blamed by Amy for her affair and what happened; but consider this carefully, are we all this foolish to ignore fact for fantasy?  Fact, my wife had the affair (how can you blame that on me)?  Fact, she intentionally deceived me into the Reserve contract and the purchase of a new car beforehand knowing she was having an affair (how can you blame that on me)?  Fact, she left me high and dry without a choice or chance to rectify the situation, I even begged and pleaded with her mom to intervene in God, but in the end, her family preferred the adultery (how can you blame that on me)?  Fact, she is the one that committed adultery and is now living in sin with the guy (how can you blame that on me)?  There are so many more facts to include, like her lies to “anybody” concerning me, and the Holy Ghost has said as much.  Anything that has to do with blame toward me is meant only as an excuse to cover and justify her to others for the sin she committed; you cannot justify your sin with my faults, your sins are your sins, and the fault of no one else.  Anything, in our marriage used as justification for her adultery, she also willingly had a part in.  (Blame).

(Collective Soul - Bleed)

2016-12 If we do not Bleed, blood cannot redeem; this is a truth I discovered in the Lord, and this is a memory of those meditations.  You see, the Bible is clear:  “For there are three that bear record in heaven, the Father, the Word, and the Holy Ghost: and these three are one. And there are three that bear witness in earth, the Spirit, and the water, and the blood: and these three agree in one.” 1Jn 5:7-8.  The Lord’s blood only works while we ourselves are blood, that is, you must repent before you perish, because once you are dead, blood is dead, and, “...flesh and blood cannot inherit the kingdom of God; neither doth corruption inherit incorruption.” 1Co 15:50.  Adultery is one of the hardest sins to repent of, because to repent of any sin means to confess and stop the sin; and man has placed such an illogical set of false beliefs on Divorce and Remarriage Adultery, that in order to repent it is almost impossible - because it means to reconcile the first marriage (1Co7:10-11).  That is why the Bible is clear when it says, “Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.” 1Co 6:9-10.  There are at least 10 to 15 passages in the New Testament that forbid Divorce and Remarriage Adultery.  And before you get mad at the truth, and think that somehow there is some magical passage in the New Testament that allows remarriage if someone has committed adultery consider this fool; in the time of Jesus they stoned adulterers, therefore, there is not a single passage that allows remarriage for adulterers in the Bible period.  But, that is not what you want to hear in the flesh is it?  So, enjoy and have pleasure in your brief carnal existence (time is so short), for once you bleed, your deed will be what defines you...if you fail to repent (confess and forsake, sin).

(Collective Soul - After All)

2016-13 Don’t get me wrong, as much as it hurt, and as many tears as I cried, I know in my heart that God allowed to happen what happened so that He could get the glory and His peculiar treasures.  There really was no more “shine on the burned out rainbow” of my marriage, because without God, nothing can really succeed, ultimately.  My wife just never wanted God in His fullness, only to the degree that it protected her own selfishness.  As long as she could only see in the natural, and fought against my spiritual endeavors, the resolve was always going to be for me that God was going to finally win out over flesh desires.  Some realize this, in the time that God has given them, others never.  “Lately it seems we've been chasing what times resolved, maybe something means nothing here After All.”

(Collective Soul - General Attitude)

2016-14 I really have had to live as a criminal that had committed no crime.  After I quit a second good job I had in Florida this year (over my refusal to pay a wicked judge’s judgement), I felt this was an evil experience.  The courts reward the wicked and punish the just; they gave the Adulteress everything for her sin, and me, well they have been trying to get me to pay for it.  It is wrong on principle (and thereby unjust), and I will never pay for it, even if I have to go homeless.  We do not really understand true love, which is disinterested or benevolent love.  It is a General Attitude which is purposefully willing, and doing the best for others without thought of reward.  That is true love, not this selfish emotion we cling to that fulfills our flesh’s desires for affection and wealth; that is not God’s love.  It hurts that those close to you do not give you either, and if you have ever been there you know what I mean, and you too have given the Tear Collector a measure.

(Gunslinger Girl- Ending 1 Full)

2016-15 Ending 1 Full is from the anime Gunslinger Girl.  The pace and cheerless nature made it emotional.  All that the girls wanted was to express their affection and devotion, and receive as much, which in heart is what we all want.  It is a blessing sometimes being separated and alone because God becomes your best friend if you allow it.  He opened my eyes this year to a great many truths including this memory.  The walls we build that prevent our ability to truly let go of our feelings in a holy way without the chance of it being perverted for selfish purposes is always a hindrance.  If others cleave to sin, it becomes impossible to close the gap in a holy way, because no matter how much you want to draw close to them, it will be their un-repentant sins that will always separate you from them; unless you share their sins.  In true faith, that is how your family and others turn into your enemies, and that is what the Lord meant by loving your enemies, which are really enemies to themselves:  For if ye love them which love you, what thank have ye? for sinners also love those that love them. And if ye do good to them which do good to you, what thank have ye? for sinners also do even the same. And if ye lend to them of whom ye hope to receive, what thank have ye? for sinners also lend to sinners, to receive as much again.” Luk 6:32-34.

(Angel Beats - My Soul, Your Beats!)

2016-16 “On a sleepy morning when I just fall asleep and wake again over and over.  I fasten my neck tie tightly, I walk through the door of the classroom able to stick out my chest ever so slightly.  The wind blows right through such ordinary days, I felt like I heard it, because I felt like I sensed it.  Just now, in my heart that has begun to tremble, I felt it come again; some hundred million stars vanishing, I saw them off, waved goodbye, and said, Good for you.  While cleaning I looked down into the corner of the corridor, and thought that it really was strange.  Even though the time inside of me has stopped, I feel like each day I live is different, and dust piles up like snow.  I felt like it was waiting for me, because I felt like it was calling to me.  Just now, this time that has begun to tremble, I felt like I had found it; the memories I lost were awoken, this is the end of my eternal story.  Before I knew it, I took off running, pulled along by your hand.  Yesterday so distant and tomorrow so close, naturally, it made my heart leap.  I felt like I heard it, because I felt like I sensed it.  Just now, in my heart that has begun to tremble, I felt it come again, the new sun, crossing over a thousand mornings.  I felt like it was waiting for me, because I felt like it was calling to me.  My shivering spirit, I felt like I had found it.  These days that could vanish like some hundred million dreams.  I saw them off, waved goodbye, and said, Thank you.”  My Soul, Your Beats!

(Girls Dead Monster - My Song)

2016-17 My Song is a really sad episode from Angel Beats!, but it is the first glimpse you get in the series as to what is actually taking place as it relates to their souls.  If this song does not belong in the Year of Tears, none do.  “My days end as I'm trying to find where to vent my irritation.  The sky is gray, I can't see anything beyond people who act like they have common sense are laughing.  What kind of lie will they tell next?  How can they treasure what they obtain with those lies?  But we've got to move ahead, toward tomorrow.  So, I'm going to sing like this.  You may be crying, you may be lonely, but that's perfect--that's what human is.  The tears you shed say, Thank you for giving life to us--beautiful, honest, and real.  Having dreams you want to fulfill and dreams you can't reach, is dream and hope in itself.  That's enough for us humans to live on.  There's a door, it's waiting there.  So I will reach out my hand, for you who have stumbled, I give you this song and the courage to fight once more.  The tears you shed say, Thank you for the miracle of allowing us to meet in this sullied, ugly world.”  My Song (Iwasawa).

(Collective Soul - Reunion)

2016-18 Reunion is a fitting memorial or funeral song.  Death is not my savior (as most men see death), that is, they believe death is the rescue from sin.  Men sin willfully thinking that somehow in the next existence they will be changed to not want to sin anymore; but that is an error of the flesh.  If you cannot receive salvation from sin now (Mat 1:21), there is no reason to believe you will when you die.  When you die your character (soul) is sealed, and if that character is accustomed to selfish sinful living, then that is all it will know at death as well.  Jesus came to save you from your sins, so that you would not commit them anymore, NOT so you could commit them and hope death will deliver you.  There is no salvation work in or of death that saves from sin; if you die in sin, you are dead twice; once in the flesh and once in the spirit.  That is why the Bible says, “Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord:” Heb 12:14.  When I die I am going home, home to a life with the Lord, because I will allow Him now, to perfect that in me that needs perfecting in order to obtain the holiness needed to see Him.  “I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. Let us therefore, as many as be perfect, be thus minded: and if in any thing ye be otherwise minded, God shall reveal even this unto you. Nevertheless, whereto we have already attained, let us walk by the same rule, let us mind the same thing. Brethren, be followers together of me, and mark them which walk so as ye have us for an ensample. (For many walk, of whom I have told you often, and now tell you even weeping, that they are the enemies of the cross of Christ: Whose end is destruction, whose God is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame, who mind earthly things.) For our conversation is in heaven; from whence also we look for the Saviour, the Lord Jesus Christ: Who shall change our vile body, that it may be fashioned like unto his glorious body, according to the working whereby he is able even to subdue all things unto himself.”  Php 3:14-21.  God is going to change your body, not your soul; that you do now, with the grace He has provided.

(Collective Soul - Compliment)

2016-19 “A momentary refrain, and there it goes, my innocence – while gathering up a Compliment.  And here I lie with words to swear, there's something more than the world out there.”  And that’s it; there is more than the world out there.  However, it is that world that we have to battle against, and its lies that control others.  I learned the truth of the world’s delusion.  Everything you believe in of the world is almost guaranteed to be a lie.  It is hard to recover innocence once it is lost, but it is not impossible in the Lord.  If we yield to Him, and allow Him to purge us thoroughly, we can regain the innocence that we need to be called the children of God.  And no matter how scary the world is, we need to truly overcome the disguises we use to go along with it, and find the resolve to stand against those things that rob us of our innocence and the truth of God.

(Collective Soul - How Do You Love)

2016-20 Truth is the one thing that can always stand on its own, and no matter how much a person wants to deny the truth, it does not stop just because they do not want to hear it.  I got into a debate around this time with a guy because I told him space does not exist, it is not in the Bible.  His proof that it did exist was the many pictures and movies the government supplies that just have to be real.  I told him, the government claims there are supposedly 20,000 satellites in their space.  Why can you not see any of them pass in front of the moon, and why has no one taken a picture of them doing this?  He said, They are moving too fast, but at night you can see their blinking lights in the sky and that is proof they are there.  I said, How can you see the blinking lights but not see the satellites?   He called me a whack at this point because he could no longer defend his position.  Don't choke me with the world's lies, even if you believe their art work.  This is what the world has done to you, made you believe in something that has no tangible proof in contradiction to the makeup of the world God created.  The world has substituted everything that is of God with a lie, and this statement is especially true when it comes to love of the truth.  So, to answer the question of “How Do You Love,” I say purposefully with your will and in truth, but you are too blind, too selfish, and too headstrong to understand what that is, and therefore you chose that which is the opposite, the love of the world’s lies.  You chose the world and its god, “Even him, whose coming is after the working of Satan with all power and signs and lying wonders, And with all deceivableness of unrighteousness in them that perish; because they received not the love of the truth, that they might be saved.”  2Th 2:9-10.  Your being had love, and your God given senses know the truth, but you never knew because it did not cater to your flesh lusts, so you have been deceived, like Eve in all three areas (flesh, eyes, and pride of life).

(Collective Soul - Never Here Alone)

2016-21 I know how important it is to understand that even when you are alone, you are Never Here Alone, God is with you if you trust in Him.  Through all my trials I am discovering the truth of that very fact.  We all have scars, some hurt more than others, and even though there is the associated pain that comes with it, God will be with us.  There were some low points in 2016 and this song meant a lot to me as far as trusting that I am not alone, because in the natural I am all alone, far away from my family.  It got very depressing, very depressing at times, and I thought all kind of things, including self-harm, but it was my trust in God that kept me alive.  “I have a scar, yeah, a scar so I let it show; let it show, let it show – show.  See, I don't need tomorrow, feel it from my pain of yesterday.”

(Girls Dead Monster - Crow Song)

2016-22 Crow Song is also from Angel Beats!  Music is a powerful thing; it is used both for good and for evil.  The diversion crew (GLDEMO), in the anime used music to distract the normal students.  With any memory, they are reckoned according to our beliefs.  For me, the series was about team work and comradery, and the eventual discovery that yes, there is a purpose to the state they were in, and with proper understanding, they could move on to God.  I was a little taken back at first with the characters and their world of purgatory, and those who were denying God.  But in the end they discovered that there was a reason why God did what He did do; for the show that is, there is no such thing as purgatory.  There is always a cloud of truth within any distraction, even anime.  They had to overcome their past to move on to God.  By the end of this year, that truth will be reinforced, but my past was still fresh for now, and an open wound is hard to ignore.  So, wallowing in the make believe created in me false emotions that were contrary to the overcoming power God gives us, and I was still discovering this fact.  There is a clip from the anime at the end of the video above, very touching, if you understand that they were in some kind of afterlife purgatory and could not move on until they settled their past.

(Aoi Tada - Brave Song)

2016-23 Brave Song is another one of those songs where the lyrics speak louder than any words I can add.  This song is truly one of the Year of Tears retro 50, just read.  “I have always walked alone.  When I looked back, everyone was far away.  Even so, I kept walking.  That was my strength, I'm not afraid of anything anymore.  I muttered to myself, everyone will be alone someday, living on in memories only.  I fight so that I will be able to love and laugh despite the loneliness.  I won't show my tears.  I have always walked alone.  The cliff was waiting for me ahead; even so, I kept walking, to prove my strength.  The strong wind blew against me, my shirt stuck to me with sweat.  If I can forget everything one day, being alive will be so easy.  If I fall into the other side of oblivion, that means I am running away; even the meaning of having lived will disappear.  The wind had soon calmed down; my sweat had also dried out.  I became hungry.  What was that? A nice smell came together with lively voices.  I have always walked alone, everyone was waiting.  Everyone will be alone someday, living on in memories only; even so, it's fine.  I call this peaceful feeling my friend.  Someday I will be living somewhere, with the memories of days spent with everyone left behind.  At that time I won't be strong anymore.  I will just be sobbing like a weak ordinary girl.”  Aoi Tada - Brave Song (Angel Beats!).

(Collective Soul - Reach)

2016-24 Reach speaks to me in a way that displays the desperate nature of needing help, and I have wept looking for such a friend this year.  I am guilty of trying to always handle things on my own, but sometimes we need help.  I have so desperately wanted to find someone who would be a close friend without just wanting something from me in a selfish way.  The problem today is that true friendship is lost because of everyone’s desire to have benefits or their pleasures fulfilled; or those pleasures have distracted them to the place that they only have time for selfish distractions.  I am going to keep praying though, because I believe that God has someone who just wants to be friends without the need for selfishness.  P.S.  Middle school Satellizer from the anime Freezing always reminded me of Katherine, while elementary and high school Satellizer always reminded me of Rinthia.

(Jeff Williams ft. Casey Lee Williams - All Our Days)

  2016-25 When I think of my daughters, and how much I miss them, All Our Days screams in my ears.  It was not my choice to leave, or leave them, and it seems so unfair that I am so far away and they cannot come to me (or want to for that matter).  That is the part that hurts the most, that I believe they have been bombarded with lies to the place that they eschew me falsely.  My wife has justified her actions by belittling and accusing me of things that she shared in equally and willfully, let alone blaming for her affair.  I hold out hope that someday they will want to find me again and see me, it is a slim hope but hope nonetheless.  I made all my daughters the same promise, that they could live with me as long as they like, and that I would not leave them.  That promise still stands, because I did not leave voluntarily, everyone left me; there have been many tears on that account.

(Collective Soul - What I Can Give You)

2016-26 When I think of treasures that ask, What I Can Give You, I immediately think of the gift of the Holy Ghost.  Megan reached an age where she received the gift of the Holy Ghost from God, and when you look at her life as compared to my other daughters, you can see that God’s Spirit blessed her even if she has become indecorous.  It was my hope that Emily would have stayed longer in Florida in September, but she let someone or something affect her negatively to cause her to want to go back.  I was hoping she would have started going to church with me and received Christ, and asked and received the baptism with the Holy Ghost from the Lord.  I can only keep praying for all of them (with weeping), because of the pain I feel for their souls.  “I can't give you treasures that only men have made.  But what I can give you, no one can ever take away.”

(Jeff Williams ft. Casey Lee Williams - From Shadows)

2016-27 It is not hard to understand discrimination; I mean true discrimination, not because someone indulges in a sinful lifestyle.  In the RWBY anime there is a group that is discriminated against, and that is what From Shadows means in their struggle.  Sometimes we are reduced to such a need to struggle against the evils that come against us, that we can do it in a way that the world condemns.  The Bible says to: “…be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves.” Mat 10:16.  We do at times have to fight our enemies of the spirit in ways that may seem wrong to the world.  For instance, I felt that the judge that gave my wife a divorce was very unrighteous for rewarding her for her affair.  I did not know then what I know now about Kansas’ no fault divorce, and that is that you do have another option, Common Law.  So, I fought the only way that I knew of at the time.  I refused to let them have what they were trying to steal.  She had tricked me into going to Florida, and I offered her an equitable split before I left through mediation, but she let her greed get the better of her, believing she could get more.  So, now I have to live off the grid, work off the grid, in the shadows to survive, because of the unrighteous decree of their demands for 65% of anything I make.  It is tearfully hard at times, especially this year in this small town.  There will come a day when I have to abandon this house I purchased because I cannot afford to pay for it any longer.  I am told that my wife’s judge tried to give my house to her when she was getting her divorce.  The only thing that stopped them was they were in Kansas and I was in Florida, and they could not certify a deed.  For Kansas and my wife beware, I am not the same fool now in relation to law.  There is no statute of limitations on a claim for damage in a Court of Record.

(Aika Kobayashi - Color -  Freezing Openings)

  2016-28 This is the third and final version of Color (Color Freezing Opening) in my retro 50.  This was my favorite anime, and this song is a bit of an anthem when it comes to keeping the faith.  As you can plainly see the English lyrics relate to my loneliness and emotions, I can’t say it any better than this line: “I hope you’ll remember, you are not alone, the tears we can’t hold back will always change to strength, so I want to believe, I want to reach  straight to you.”  I really did like the job I had managing the Ace Hardware in Florida, and it paid good too.  I liked the second job I got and had to quit at ANCORP, I learned a lot about ultra-high vacuum components.  That’s how I discovered that it is impossible to travel in a vacuum with a combustion engine.  You see, jets and rockets have to have atmosphere for fuel to push against to travel.  This is through use of gas pressure and you cannot have gas pressure (or pressure of any kind) in a vacuum.  In other words, if supposed space is a vacuum, you could not travel through it with a combustion rocket engine.  Why, because in a vacuum there is no atmosphere to push against.  If you set off a rocket in a vacuum, the first fuel molecule would just leave at a constant speed having hit nothing, and the following one would never catch the first, and so on.  So, the systems that the government claims to use to travel in their supposed space are not possible.  One of the many truths I discovered this year.  I use to believe their lies, and people are so deluded by the world, that even in the face of real scientific fact, they will still believe the government’s lies.  Someone said, “NASA is lying at the molecular level,” and they are.

(Collective Soul - There's A Way)

2016-29 You would think God would be first if you claim to be Christian, and you’d act accordingly; but that did not happen with my wife.  There is always hope; the Holy Ghost is still interceding, but it is very desperate for her.  The question that could never be answered was, How do you think God looks on this?  I shed more tears over that, than the sin, because the only answer I got was, “It’s about me now; it’s about what I want.  It’s not about you or the kids; it’s about me, what I want.”  The only thing I could deduce from this statement as to what she wanted had to do with her other statement, “He touched me, and I liked it.”  How could someone who claimed to be Christian, totally leave God out, let alone make such selfish and sin revealing statements.  If you count “me” the same as “I,” she was just one short of the Devil’s declaration, “For thou hast said in thine heart, I will ascend into heaven, I will exalt my throne above the stars of God: I will sit also upon the mount of the congregation, in the sides of the north: I will ascend above the heights of the clouds; I will be like the most High.”  Isa 14:13-14.  Then it came to me.  What she did is what David did, “Wherefore hast thou despised the commandment of the LORD, to do evil in his sight? thou hast killed Uriah the Hittite with the sword, and hast taken his wife to be thy wife, and hast slain him with the sword of the children of Ammon.  Now therefore the sword shall never depart from thine house; because thou hast despised me, and hast taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be thy wife.”  2Sa 12:9-10.  Not only did David despise God’s commandment against adultery (and murder), but in verse 10, it says David despised God Himself.  This says a lot about someone’s heart given to sin.  When you embrace sin, you will despise God, and replace Him with a false god that embraces your sin.  David would eventually repent and cease polygamy and retain only one living lawful wife.  I would hope that Amy would eventually repent (confess and forsake the adultery).  I know that I would not reconcile, but I would forgive her in the sense that she would have forgiveness, if she started living for God.  So, There’s A Way to do it right in God, and, “There is a way which seemeth right unto a man, but the end thereof are the ways of death.”  Pro 14:12. 
(Jeff Williams ft. Casey Lee Williams - When It Falls)

 2016-30 The songs in the retro 50 are going to start to transition from here to the end, first with When It Falls, the destructive nature of what this year has been to me in relation to the end of 2015.  There are no heroes, there is only one choice, only one person who can help you, and that is Christ.  If you read the previous chapter in this year, then you will find my confession in this one comprehendible  (not understandable).  When my wife first told me of her affair, I thought there was a way to save my marriage and still allow her to, “scratch her itch.”  So, I said things in the flesh that I now regret and confess.  I told her I was willing to let her have her affair if she would also stay with me, because I just did not want her to leave.  I am very ashamed of it now, but I was living so carnally that I thought this was an alternative to her leaving.  She gave me the dude’s phone number and told me to call him and work it out; she said, she was just too confused.  I did call the guy, I did not discuss anything…I threatened him.  He just kept telling me how he was recording my threats for the police.  So, you can see he is not a man’s man, he is someone Amy can boss around.  And, it was not the police protecting him, it was the Army.  I just let everything go without a physical confrontation (not that I ever saw him during this or went looking for him or there would have been), because I knew the Army would Article and Chapter me.  So, you might say the Army did protect his freedom…to commit adultery.  When it happened, I tried to trust in man, I turned to man at first and sought their help, I took it to the highest chain of command on Fort Riley, the Commanding General, and he would not even help.  He was sympathetic, but just referred me to counseling.  It is permitted for commissary employees to have affairs with soldier’s wives on Fort Riley, and they will keep their jobs and get a hand shake from the command.  There are no heroes, even in the military, they have no true values; Army Values are best displayed on the walls where they hang them.

(Jeff Williams ft. Casey Lee Williams - Divide)

2016-31 I accept the fact that evil has mundanely prevailed.  I am divided from my family, and pray it extends not to hell.  I have asked myself repeatedly, what else can I do?  Two nights and one day is not enough for any of you.  “Have you no shame, signing them up for your war?  Train them to fight what they can't beat, your sins are what they'll pay for.”  It is the Tear Collector’s work that now prospers in me.  The conclusion is therefore: Divide from the world also, and truly be free.

(Collective Soul - Why Pt. 2)

2016-32 And now, the hardest question?  Who is not the hardest question; sooner or later, that is certain.  What is not complicated, difficult, or complex; we always discover subject context.  When – consult a sundial; it will tell you, after a while.  Where?  You will know when you get there.  And How is simple to reverse engineer; granted, you need proper gear.  Therefore, as a result of this interrogation; Why has emerged, to be the hardest question.  Why makes Who indecisive, What abstractive, When tentative, Where elusive, and How preclusive.  So, has Who, What, When, Where, or How been debriefed – less than Why in your belief?  The question that occupies me, Why Pt. 2.  Not for God, not for family, only carnal you.  And now that others know Who, What, When, Where, and How.  They can choose to believe your lies, or else disallow.  “Now I pause to let my silence scream tonight.  While you roam, like a serpent satellite.”

(Jeff Williams ft. Casey Lee Williams - Sacrifice)

2016-33 “You can't take my life, I’m not your Sacrifice, You can try but I'm free, And you won't conquer me, I won't crawl, Most of all, I won't fall for you.”  Like these lyrics, I refuse to be the sacrifice, my life and living is not forfeit for your sin.  How did this happen in our country, how did we come to the place that we reward evil?  Did you know that this sin used to be so abhorred that the offender was killed?  If God sees adultery as so vile that the offender was stoned, do you really think He changed?  Or, could it be that the world has gotten so wicked?  Because there is no change in the Bible.  We have sacrificed good for evil, but I refuse to be used.  For the government, divorce is big business.  In almost 96% of divorces, the woman gets custody of the children and the man has to pay child support, alimony, or judgements.  This money is not paid directly from the man to the woman, no.  It is paid to the State, and the State skims it and pays a portion to the woman.  The whole thing is theft and fraud and only works because of Equity Law and the courts binding you to a contract against your knowledge or will.  You can fight it, but not with a lawyer.  I am convinced by Jesus’ own words that no lawyers will be saved.  You have to fight it pro per, in a Common Law court.  I spent a lot of time this year studying law, and if they ever get brave enough to try and find me, this nation’s wicked judges will not walk on me like they did before.  I will not be sacrificed again.

(Jeff Williams ft. Casey Lee Williams - Die)

2016-34 This is where we are at, hate is more abundant than love in our world, and never has the hate been so great.  Society has become poisoned with hate for that which is good, there is no true love just social love.  Whatever the world is doing to us it is destroying the family.  We are a nation of liars and believers in delusion for selfishness.  The government fakes moon landings and space travel for money, they fake terrorist attacks to start wars for money, and they fake shootings to try and change the Constitution for money.  And because there is no love for the truth among the deluded, and we are such an unrighteous nation, it is beginning to be reflected down to the lowest level.  Our children are polluted early, and sadly they become so calloused to God that it is doubtful that any of the last two generations will be saved.  Time to Die has come!  God is not going to wait much longer, because the death spiral is picking up such momentum that it is literally sucking the whole world down into hell.  God is starting to lose whole crops, which is why the millennium rest is needed.  The more of God the world removes, the more wickedness enters; and shortly, not even the world will be able to stop the wickedness.  When you tear down God’s fences, a stampede of wickedness will run over everything.  Look up, and there is only one up, on the plane you live on, because God is coming soon.

(Mozart - Symphony No. 25)

2016-35 Symphony No. 25, meant a lot to me right after I found out my wife had been having an affair.  I spent the last month at Fort Riley living by myself.  I mostly baby sat Nova for Rinthia, watched Sesame Street with her, and listened to classical music.  There are no words to classical music (mostly), so there are no distractions, there is just the purity of the sound.  In the turmoil I was experiencing, classical music provided peace and soothing.  I was so troubled that I could not sleep, so I would play classical music to help.  Finding out about the affair was a wake up for me spiritually.  I started seeking God again, praying, fasting, and reading my Bible.  Classical music can be playing and you can still concentrate on prayers, you can still read the Word without the interruptions of music with words.  The position of this song in The Year of Tears forms a bridge from the hurt, to the victory over the plans of the Devil.  The songs following this one are the rising up, the overcoming of the evil that devastated my life.  The last three songs are the victory and the resolve to overcome evil, to live for God and not die for the Devil.  I will fulfil my call, I know that God is doing the right thing in my life.  “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Rom 8:28.

(Collective Soul - Dig)

2016-36 Dig tells me that I am not going to play the game any longer.  It is obvious that the “winds of truth are not blowing my way,” so I have to accept the fact that the evil in others is dominating this circumstance.  In the natural I have been underestimated, and that is okay, because I want my spiritual being to lead, that is what I am digging on now.  It can’t be in a haughty manner either, the victory spiritually has to be holy and not of myself.  That is what I take from this, that not in me, not my effort per say (I do have a part to play), but it has to be through the inner man of God.  To achieve that, I have to rise above reproach, stop trying to change myself in my own power exclusively; it has to be through the Holy Ghost.

(Collective Soul - Where The River Flows)

2016-37 “Pain is a poison I digest.”  Is that river flowing, are you drinking that water?  “He that believeth on me, as the scripture hath said, out of his belly shall flow rivers of living water.” Joh 7:38.  I have had to digest a lot of pain, but that shackle is to be overcome, this song is typical of that realization; “Don’t feed me sorrow,” I have learned to digest it.  That river, the only river for me, is the river of life, there is no way that sin or evil leads to that river.  I can get to that river, and the enemy has to find another soul to hold, not mine.  That is my journey now, to get to Where The River Flows.

(Collective Soul - Persuasion)

2016-38 I had to deal with destructive thinking, specifically the destructive thinking of self-defeat.  It has to be overcome.  It is a struggle because things always seem to raise their ugly head right back up after you put them down.  In one moment you can seem to have the victory and peace from the stress and conflict, and a short time later you can be right back in the mulligrubs.  I have been guilty of kicking myself, and especially of not listening to God.  Many times He will be speaking words that are uplifting, and I ignore them choosing rather to kick or give myself wounds for no reason.  Persuasion is the means God uses to direct us; it is not force, but persuasion of the will.  It is us coming into a willful obedience to His will through persuasion.  With the last heartbreak I experienced (Emily’s visit), I was so devastated that I sinned and forsook God and His persuasion.  However, after I yielded to the persuasion, I discovered that He allowed the heartbreak, and that it brought me closer to Him and developed a greater love and patience in my walk.

(Collective Soul - Counting The Days)

2016-39 “Watch therefore, for ye know neither the day nor the hour wherein the Son of man cometh.” Mat 25:13.  Counting The Days can be lonely when you are alone; heart comfort in God is wonderful, but tactile relationships can be important, even the slightest of touches.  I am not talking about a fleshy carnal relationship, I mean someone like family, close family, like your own children for instance.  I have been in every kind of church there is, and when I was in the Upper Room, that was probably the only place I had ever been where the hugs were real.  Nowadays, it is a formality, an effort to appear benevolent, a motion of notion that hey, I am reaching out to this person, but it is a show.  What changed in Christian society?  I will tell you, it is self-centered living, and I am as guilty as the next, but no more.  I have been broken to the place of understanding, and that empathy works.  So, now I can count the days, with greater hope, and although others have settled for that carnal selfish relationship categorized by sin in direct contradiction to God, I do not have to swallow that pill.  No more “touch and go,” I am going to continue to watch, to count the days in hope of ultimate freedom’s ring of the breaking of the chains of this world’s wicked ideals.

(Collective Soul - Am I Getting Through)

2016-40 I really like the lyrics of Collective Soul songs, I know I have said that before, but in this instance it allows me to place my own meanings to them.  Now whatever Ed Roland had in mind is one thing, and I am one of those people that believes sometimes things we accomplish are really beyond our abilities; you see, knowledge does not originate with man.  The phrase, “My heart does stop, where my soul begins,” says this to me, my heart, or my desires, cease to have an effect when I consider the condition of my soul and its salvation.  When I think of “getting through to you,” or her, or anyone who has placed their own heart desires above the condition of their soul, this is a good example in a word picture of that meaning.  That is my own conclusion, “Am I Getting Through to you?” Call your weapons and aim them at me if you want, but it is the end that I have in sight, your reasons for choosing this or that is meaningless, because “Life’s so short.”

(Jeff Williams ft. Casey Lee Williams - Time To Say Goodbye)

2016-41 And this is the point, the point is conceded, Time To Say Goodbye.  I cannot condone your sin, I have to be the swift witness against the error you have embraced.  All the bridges have been burned as far as she is concerned, in this Year of Tears, there can be no more shed for want of reconciliation.  I know there is always hope, but according to the Spirit, she lies, she is dying, and she dies; whatever that means, the dying part seems seriously desperate for the Holy Ghost to be saying.  I have had to come to the point of saying goodbye, to the things I loved and the innocence of youth, goodbye to our carefree lives and the solitude and peace we always knew.  This song begins the call to victory over the evil that has blinded not only my life, my wife, and my children, but the world; because I will no longer stand by idle.  The evil that is in the land, I will speak to as the Holy Ghost leads, and if needed, die for that cause.  The lyrics speak, “We can’t just cling to childish things, As evil just grows closer, Humanity’s in jeopardy, This fight is far from over.”  When I weep now it is not for the loss of my wife, but the loss of her life; and my family, well, there will be more tears this year, and years to come until they too can find salvation from sin in Jesus Christ God’s Son Savior (ΙΧΘΥΣ).

(Konomi Suzuki - Avenge the World- Freezing Vibration Opening)

2016-42 The English lyrics to this song are nowhere to be found on the internet; the best you can get is the 1:30 show intro, which I have included with commentary: “Avenge World,” – is the title and first words of the song.  To me it speaks to the future redress of the world’s evils, and in the Freezing anime, the world, or those controlling the world, had lied and manipulated people much like today in order to bring their evil devices to pass.  “To protect someone is, to know hate for someone,” – is a cryptic line that may have more meaning in the original Japanese.  I think it means that we are naive when it comes to trusting those we admire, and when we find out they deceived us, even though we protected and defended them, that is to also know hate for them.  “An unknown pulse; Swallow it and it becomes mere hope, it falls apart with a sound,” – again we are dealing with symbology that may be stronger in Japanese.  Pulse and impulse are similar, the impulses we have can be swallowed and become hope.  For instance, an unknown feeling (pulse) of love and affection for my children can be embraced internally with the hope that they too will come to the realization of truth.  However, we see all around us the evil in the world that requires Avenging.  When we speak that hope to them, “it falls apart with a sound,” because they will not hear the truth of the testimony.  “The savage pain Inside me, is a fighting tragedy,” – is a misuse of the power in us.  We use the power given to us to fight the true battles, but when we use it savagely against others without discrimination, hurting even those who could otherwise have been helped, that is the tragedy.  “I never wished for this power; the stars to wish upon have already fallen,” – regret is the end unless we understand soon enough that we transgressed, for it is forgiveness that is needed, for to wish is futile, the stars are a silly thing to trust in for help.  “This sad fate screams out loud, Tear me apart, my loved ones,” – to me this is the derision of the evil in the world that needs Avenging, it is like there is nothing we can do to stem the wickedness, and it tears us apart, and those we love.  “Now, grab hold of your dream,” – then it comes back to us, to you in particular, do what you can, fight the good fight.  “However much you scream about your sad fate, light and prayers will change to betrayal,” – and if you are in the way of evil, in the sad fate, those prayers given to you, if esteemed lightly, are changed by the evil world into betrayal.  “It's time to be brought to justice,” – and because of that, this world is fated, it is time to Avenge World.  “Ah! Where did that smile go? The answer is nowhere to be seen this daybreak,” – that smile is the wicked world’s love of wrong, and the new day, the day that sees the evil in the world “brought to justice,” and will also see the iniquitous smile removed as well.  Avenge World!

(Jeff Williams ft. Casey Lee Williams - This Will Be The Day)

2016-43 The appeal of the RWBY anime is the fact that victory can be seen in the simple soul, the soul that is dedicated to the purity of life, the good.  When we dedicate our life to good and to righteousness, and forsake the evil sinful existence of our own selfishness, we can overcome our flesh, the world, the world’s devices, and its god, the Devil.  The time is coming that: “…the people that do know their God shall be strong, and do exploits.” Dan 11:32.  We are not going to be the popular, or the Hollywood stars, or the wicked politicians, or the strong or the rich, but God is going to back us, not because we are special, but because He is, and He has promised to be with us.  A small people are coming that will denounce the wickedness in this world in truth, and the water downed lukewarm religions of the world are going to be separated from them as well.  Secular Christianity is practically already separated; they have been conformed to the world.  This Will Be The Day, The fear of God is going to return, repent and believe and come out of the world.

(Jeff Williams ft. Casey Lee Williams - Gold)

2016-44 To me, the song Gold speaks of God’s work in us who believe.  He tells me all the time that He is turning me into gold.  In these perilous times we need to know that He is near, the friend that sticks closer than a brother no matter how much the world is falling apart.  In this Year of Tears, lyrics such as “Close your eyes, Don't you cry, Love's around you; In time, you'll fly,” have a special meaning when you are walking with the Lord.  A precious people are being prepared by a Refiner.  They will not be addicted to the world, to politics, to Hollywood, or be socialites, binge racers, gamers, and certainly will not be like those who embrace sin in contradiction to God’s word.  They will be Gold, the making of God.

(Collective Soul - New Viration)

2016-45 “I'm not wanting more promises and beliefs, I'm just waiting for someone to hear this heartbeat,”   Seeing the truth of life through benevolent love, and understanding that no matter how many times we have to endure the mundane, as others continually discuss the things that are going to pass away as if they are the most important, you have to keep preaching.  Then they that feared the LORD spake often one to another: and the LORD hearkened, and heard it, and a book of remembrance was written before him for them that feared the LORD, and that thought upon his name.”  Mal 3:16.  That old sensation we felt in truth, when we discovered the truth, is the thing we need to hold to now; and the New Vibration that God will continually provide, comes when we totally sell out to all He desires and wants.  If this ain’t you, you do not belong to God.

(Collective Soul - Happiness)

2016-46 This is the last Collective Soul song in The Year of Tears retro 50, an avowal of my struggles through the toughest year, my 50th year of breath.  Collective Soul contributed 21 of the 50 songs, the most of any group, and that is because they helped me the most this year with their profound lyrics.  The art work or videos used in Collective Soul’s songs were primarily of Satellizer el Bridget or her contemporaries from the anime series Freezing.  They also helped me get through a tough year in a worldly way.  Happiness is the rebound, not as the world sees it, but a rebound in spirit and in truth.  That is why happiness is more than a kiss, more than fleshy aspirations.  That is why I am now loaded down with my God and my medicine.  So, yea baby, I am back again, I am back in the spirit, I am back in the will of God.  I am striving to stay there too, and it is His mercy that He brought all this about to draw me back…Thank you God.  This song helps overcome the tears, it is a motivation, a charge, that I will not go down, I will not be defeated, yea, yea, yeeeeaaa!  Yea doubtless, and I count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord: for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and do count them but dung, that I may win Christ,” Php 3:8.

(Jeff Williams ft. Casey Lee Williams - Burn)

2016-47 This is the last RWBY tune in The Year of Tears retro 50.  There were 14 RWBY tunes followed by 5 songs from Angel Beats!, 4 from Freezing, and 2 from Gunslinger Girl; so, in all I got 25 songs from anime shows.  Burn is another one of those songs that just screams motivation, to rise up and overcome, to not let the enemy have the satisfaction.  The first five songs of this list and the last five songs were all chosen for those special positions.  These last five make you rise above your problems, to get up fight back in God, do not fall down to the evil any longer.  You have to have that burning inside you, not as the world does, with arrogance, but a true soul’s burning and yearning to please God, and eschew evil.

(Britney Spears - Stronger)

2016-48 This will be the first appearance of songs from the last three artists, and the only other artist in the field prior to this not mentioned in a count was Mozart.  I am not promoting Britney Spears, or saying she is spiritual, or religious, or anything.  I am not saying any of the artists in my list know God whatsoever.  I learned a long time ago not to look in the back yard of the guy that makes your underwear, just wear them, and if they fit and you like them, why throw them out because of the sins of the tailor.  It is the same for music; music can say something to you that has nothing to do with the artist, and there are bad fleshy carnal songs that you should not listen to, I know that.  Stronger by Britney, typified the cruelties of this year, and provided fortitude to rise up and fight, even if it is alone; which I was not, I had God to care for me.

(Pat Benatar - All Fired Up)

2016-49 “Now I believe there comes a time, When everything just falls in line, We live an' learn from our mistakes, The deepest cuts are healed by faith.”  How can you say it any better than that, this song brings tears to my eyes because it so summarizes what I have been through this year, while at the same time I am All Fired Up.  I have been cut (by my wife), re-cut (by children that want nothing to do with me and I don’t know why), and cut again (when my daughter Emily came to me in Florida to live and after two nights and one day stole away while I was at church) my God I have been cut deeper this year than in any year of my existence.  The year 1987 was hard, when Lori cut me, 1993 was a hard cut when the pediatrician said my daughter Megan was going to die, 2002 was a hard cut because the only woman I have ever known to be the closest to holy died, my Grandma, and 2007 was a hard cut because my close Uncle who practically raised me, Uncle Eddie was killed.  None of those compare to this year, and in particular the hurt inflicted by Emily, and she did not do it on purpose she just got homesick quick in a new place; I know it wasn’t her fault, but the pain was still real.  So, Tear Collector, here is more, more for your collection, don’t miss them, I will want an account before you remove them forever, Amen.

(Fireflight - Unbreakable)

2016-50 Unbreakable is the only Christian song in my list; I originally had more, and even though they were emotional songs, they were emotional for other reasons; not because of this year’s tears.  This is it, this song is the putting behind of the entire hurt of this year, and pressing on in God to fulfill the call.  All of the breaking, the crying, the tearing down by the Lord was to make me unbreakable, because that is what is going to be needed to:

To Become Gold
To Be Brave
To Be Bold
And, to Walk on Water

It is now my God, me, and my call, I have nothing else to drive me, nor do I need it.

Thus Ends the Year of Tears, But Not All Tears End

Next section is Requiem of Years accessed via the link below. 
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